the genuine expression of life

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Remembering my wedding day

I was about to face the biggest challenge of my life and that was getting married. Every time I feel lonely I usually recall the day of accepting the commitment of a lifetime and it makes me happy. On that day, the feeling was ambiguous. I felt very excited, very apprehensive, very anxious and at the same very happy. Actually it seemed I was floating and I had difficulty understanding my surroundings. It’s a kind of feeling that will happen only once in your life. On the other hand, getting married was not an easy task for you undergo a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. You took care of everything even the tiniest detail because you wanted your wedding to be perfect if not at least almost. Wedding is a very important day of every woman because it’s like a dream come true. The bride is like a beautiful princess in the fairy tale regally walking on the aisle on the arms of her father while looking excitedly to her handsome groom. Walking on the aisle was such an indescribable feeling which cannot be replaced nor purchased with anything on this world.




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photo credit to Google Image

How would you feel if your own brother will choose someone else over you? The pain is beyond bearable especially when all your life you’ve spent together experiencing life’s deepest sorrow.

When you are the eldest of the family you took care of your younger brothers and sisters. It’s you who look after them and see to it that they are in good and in comfortable state. You strive hard in order for them to see what you have done and for them to look upon you. You struggle to survive and sacrifice something just for them, though they didn’t ask for it. You wanted a good life for them so you help them to get by and see them through and through. All you dreamed and wished is for them to live better and above all live in accordance to the laws of God because you wouldn’t allow them to live astray and become miserable someday.

And now that they are big and accomplished, your voice is of little importance. Your admonishment is considered unprincipled and contemptible. You then become the antagonist of their life. It’s truly excruciating. Maybe your role as a sister ends here and that you still wish them good luck.

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A man who does not learn the beauty of living must have to learn it after all.

We were living in the countryside. Raise from a poor family, I had an impression before when I was a child that we were very unlucky. Because we belong to the people who are destined to suffer. My parents then have no permanent jobs. We have to wake-up early in the morning to oversee our goats and cows in the field. Right after pastoring, we have to toil in our small farm. It was the source of our food that we daily eat.

My favorite hobby was flying kites. Often in the afternoon during summer months, I used to climb the hill located adjacent to our home. It was the perfect place to fly kites. The wind was strong yet very fresh and very nice. There was a tree also which served as our resting place. In there, I always take a look at the seascapes and the horizon of nature. What I saw in the nature was something different. It was really wonderful. Everything was arranged perfectly. The birds that fly around, the clouds that slightly moving above the mountains, and the trees and the sea. They were very nice to look at. It was full of hope. It was beautiful.

Despite of our meager income, our parents strived hard enough to send us to school. In high school, we had manifold struggling experiences with my elder brother. We went to school several times without an allowance (money). During class days, we just only ride bicycle and sometimes walk going towards the school. The distance between our home and school are three (3) kilometers. Notwithstanding that we were constrained financially yet we were able to finish our studies with honors. My brother passed the DOST (Department of Science and Technology) Scholarship Examination. And I was able also to meet the requirements prescribed for the Academic Scholarships in College.

It was during on the College days where I begin to understand on what is life. There were hundreds of terrible situations that we faced and encountered with my family.

When we were studying with my elder brother and younger sister in College, everyday, we only eat twice. There were even times when we ate only once. The money sent by our parents could only suffice for three (3) days for our foods. There was one time when I got sick, I only slept in the deck in our boarding house and just rested. No food, no medicine. Another terrible thing happened when my younger sister accidentally stepped a broken glass. A fragment of which had penetrated in her foot. She shouted for help. I rushed her in the hospital. Again without money. The physician who attended her required me to buy for her medication. I just only nodded and say yes. But to my mind at that time, I really don’t know what to do and where will I go to ask for help.

I was hospitalized several times because I was very sickly. My parents felt helpless. And when I look at them, and when I look at my brother and sister, I feel deeply saddened. I think to myself then, why is life so unfair? From the time when we were born, we were already underprivileged. But despite of our condition and situation, why is it that we have to suffer a lot? We just only wanted to live.

As far as I can remember, many times we have cried a lot.

After all, I did not lost hope during those times. We did not give up. My reminiscence during my childhood days had lift me. I believed that everything was arranged by God perfectly and accordingly for us to learn and appreciate. So that by experiencing all these things, we may be able gain courage and strength. And by that, we become strong. We learn how to be patient and calm. No matter how insurmountable are the odds, adversities and challenges might be, man can still face them and win.

These are the beauty of life. Full of learnings. The key of living all depend up to us!

Right now, my elder brother is working as Software Engineer and Computer Programmer in a Publishing Company. And I am also working as College Instructor in a Private School and State University after I transferred from a Mining Company as Unit Manager. But prior thereto, I worked in the Department of Justice. My younger sister is now working as a government employee. And our youngest brother is still studying in College.